Female MPs don't need a dressing down, Mary
Mary 'Queen of Frocks' Portas had a go at the 'ugly bunch' of women on the coalition cabinet, saying she "can hardly bear" to even look at them.
"I just want to go: 'Please, not that necklace, not that skirt,' she says, clearly unable to stop the rabid philanthropist in her from offering advice and doing good turns at every occasion. "Let's put a bit of sex and glamour in there."
I'm not desperately keen on the likes of cat-mad Theresa May or Sayeeda Warsi myself.
But, as Mary finds it so hard to look at unfashionable women, she'll no doubt empathise when I say I find it hard to listen to another word from her big, dumb, self-promoting mouth.
She might know how to sell clothes to the public, and which shoes go with what haircut but, just like her hectoring, patronising Channel 4 colleague Kirsty Allsopp, Mary P has made a career out of riding roughshod over the feelings of less formidable individuals while rolling her eyes whenever a common plebeian dares to disagree with her.
Personally, I find it reassuring when a politician turns up with a missing button or mismatched suit - it suggests their minds are focussed on higher, bigger, better things.
But Mary Portas is so pathologically certain that her opinion is gold-plated and Must Not Be Questioned that, if anyone has suggested to her that it's more important for MPs to be smart, informed and compassionate than to sport an error-free wardrobe, she's probably already waved them away like frumpy flies.