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A body language expert would, of course, have a field day. With Arlene. With all of them, really. But yesterday the focus was entirely upon Arlene, solemnly centre stage in the RHI hot seat - looking at times how the rest of us feel when by-passing the 'Anything to Declare' channel at the airport.
It's been a week of tantrums and tears, meltdowns and madness. And mounting evidence that adults are the new infants. Over we go first to the US Open where tennis diva Serena Williams kicked off (literally) an action-packed few days by smashing up a racquet and then creating a racket by calling an umpire, whose penalty decision she disputed, a thief and a liar.
The great John McCain, US senator and arguably the most outstanding president America never had, died at the weekend - a few days short of what would have been his 82nd birthday today.
Bernadette McAliskey has called for Stormont to be bulldozed, which is surely coming at the problem from entirely the wrong angle.
I was sitting quietly in a local coffee shop the other day, minding my own business and flicking through a newspaper when suddenly from behind me, an enthusiastic voice began to cry out - rather loudly - above the hubbub of subdued chat and clinking cups.
Understandably, there have been calls for public funding for the Belfast Feile to be looked at following those shameful scenes of sectarian chanting captured on mobile phone footage of the crowd during a performance by the Wolfe Tones.
Fake or fortune? I watched the weekend television show where Fiona Bruce and another art expert set out to prove whether or not a painting was by a master. Or a close effort.
Global warming has only itself to blame. Part of the reason I think, why some people have previously found it hard to take global warming seriously was, well, the lack of warming.
Have women let the side down in Northern Ireland? Women politicians, I mean. Some years ago, when women in local politics were a rarity (and we still have some way to go) I wrote articles bemoaning this dearth and arguing for a more balanced gender representation at the polls.
Collagin. Now why didn't you and I think of that? It's a product which brings together two of the most popular trends of the day - quirky gin and non-surgical cosmetic procedure. Collagin - the clue is in the name - is an alcoholic drink infused with collagen which is supposedly a big wrinkle deterrent.
It would be safe to say the new 12-hour bus lanes which have come into effect in west and east Belfast have not been greeted with universal joy by local commuters.
Getting back to Nature is all very well. Unless, of course, this turns out to be a bit of an inconvenience for Nature. Just ask the Flemish Agency for Nature and Woodland which has recently raised objections to proposals for a new nudist beach in Belgium
I don't know about you but I'm still troubled by the story of the cop accused of muttering 'bye, bye bonfire' as contractors demolished a pyre of pallets which had been due for Eleventh Night incineration in east Belfast.
Donald Trump is getting ready for England just now. But it would be fair to say England isn't especially getting ready for Donald. The US President is due to arrive tomorrow for a visit which, we know, will be marked by protests from some quarters and a huge 'Trump baby' blimp flown over London.
Northern Ireland has just had the hottest June in record. But needless to say this happy climactic news has its downside. Thus far, a hosepipe ban. And, if the good weather keeps up, how long before even more rigorous water rationing?
It's been a while now since the royal family has had a loose cannon about the palace. The phrase, which was a staple of tabloid terminology back when Fergie of York was in her toe-sucking prime, hasn't had much of an airing in recent years.
Actress Emilia Clarke, best known as Daenerys Targaryen in the global hit television series Game of Thrones, has posted a final season farewell on Instagram.
In this month in 1783, the following death notice appeared in the Londonderry Journal. "Sunday, died, in Cockspur Street, Charing Cross, Byrne, the famous Irish giant, whose death is reported to have been precipitated by excessive drinking, to which he was always addicted, but more particularly since his late loss of £700."
Atv sketch by comedienne Tracey Ullman, where she appears as a startlingly lookalike Jeremy Corbyn, has enraged supporters of the Labour leader who, angered at her taking a pop at the party's rampant anti-Semitism, have developed one of the week's weirder conspiracy theories about who had to be behind this slagging off of their boy.
Earlier this week I interviewed for this paper the Rev Chris Hudson, minister of All Souls' Church in Belfast and a man who has been to the forefront of several campaigns to bring about a liberalisation of the law in Ireland, north and south, not least in terms of marriage equality.
Sometimes when I read those glossy magazine articles about latest nutritional advice I wonder how we ever got by as children without almond milk and soya milk and all those other oddball milks you're encouraged to use to wash down your spiralised courgette 'spaghetti'. And now a new one - cockroach milk. (This has to be fake news, surely). Reports claim it is protein rich.
Kylie Minogue is 50 years of age. It is shocking news in one way because the ageless Australian songstress doesn't look to be a day over 35.
There's been a bit of a trend in the housing market of late, where fabulous homes with swimming pools, snooker rooms, private cinemas and, at a minimum, a dozen bathrooms can be yours for around 25 quid.
Another week, another DUP sex scandal. Why is it that the local party most aligned to Bible-bashing and finger-pointing seems to provide us with more stories of bedroom origin than just about all the other parties put together?
I'm starting to feel better about not having been invited to the Royal wedding. Among other non-invitees is Amelia somebody-or-other who is described as "the most beautiful Royal". A supportive source opines that maybe Harry didn't want her there in case she upstaged the bride. Miaow!
With the countdown now on to this year's big Windsor wedding, no surprise to learn that those age-old, familiar Royal Family traditions are being adhered to...
Kate, Duchess of Cambridge may go down in history as the first member of the Royal family to have given birth to a blow dry. A few days ago when Prince William's wife left hospital with her new little son it wasn't the bouncing baby boy in her arms that most excited attention among some online critics - it was her bouncy hair do.
Gas the Jews! Hilarious, eh? I know it will be difficult to contain yourselves after that gem of a joke, but when you have finished guffawing we need to talk not just about what constitutes humour these days but also about the current, concerted and right across the political spectrum rise in anti-Semitism.
She panted, she pushed, her breath coming in gasps as she announced that finally it was all over. Never mind what the latest royal birth took out of Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, it was another marathon labour for Sky TV's Kay Burley.
The pub chain JD Wetherspoon has shut down all its social media accounts on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram because owner Tim Martin has decided it's all a waste of time.
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have released their wedding gift list. And you'll be pleased to learn that they aren't asking for toasters, Nutribullets or luxury private yachts.
Well done to 18-year-old gymnastics star, Rhys McClenaghan, who won gold this week at the Commonwealth Games in Australia.
Loyalist paramilitary organisations - three of them, anyway - say they are turning their backs on crime, will in future expel members engaged in criminality and intend to support the rule of law. Wonderful news, of course.
Reports this week that the North Korean leader Kim Jong Un was apparently "deeply moved" by a pop concert in Pyongyang featuring K-Pop stars (as they're called) from neighbouring South Korea.
Hey, celebrities, leave them kids alone... Watching at the weekend, those moving scenes of American youth taking to the streets in their hundreds of thousands to protest against guns in general, the NRA (National Rifle Association) in particular and, above all, US politicians who are in that organisation's pocket, you did - almost - get a sense that revolution was in the air.
After all those years of tiocfaidh ar la-ing, Gerry Adams' day finally came at the weekend. Courtesy of Bill de Blasio, Mayor of New York City, Gerry was presented with a "proclamation" recording that Mr de Blasio has taken it upon himself to rebrand St Patrick's Day as Gerry Adams Day.
One of my earliest memories was the death of my lovely grandfather - my mother's father - who was mown down on his bicycle by a drunk driver.
First they came for the car driven by the poisoned former Russian spy… Then, when they realised that a nerve agent may have been used, they came for the flatbed truck which came to take away the former spy's car. I'm just surprised we haven't had a story about how they subsequently came for the lorry that took away the flatbed truck… The British government's response to what appears to have been Russian government involvement in the killing of citizens living in the UK has been utterly cack-handed.
So, you're getting ready for your Big Day and you're ticking off all those last minute things-to-do for a bride-to-be. The dress fittings, the hen party, the seating plan at the reception, your conversion into another religion by the Archbishop of Canterbury, your nails, the training exercise with the SAS in case you get kidnapped...
Here we go again. Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, who was recently reported to be downsizing his restaurant chain, is now back doing what he does best.
Only in America is the answer to the question of guns, more guns. At least it is, if you are Donald or Ivanka Trump who now both suggest that the obvious response to the horror of school mass shootings is to turn teaching staff into a quasi Delta Force.
It's getting increasingly difficult to keep up with Time's Up, the solidarity campaign spawned in response to the Hollywood harassment scandal where actresses have risen up to fight sexism, sex abuse and wage inequality through that obvious medium of dark coloured evening wear.
Dear Mary Lou McDonald,
The boy was 16 years old and he'd agreed to come down to meet me in the Belfast Telegraph building. For obvious reasons he didn't want a reporter to be seen coming up anywhere near his house.
In the aftermath of that shocking story about the violent aggravated burglary that left an elderly lady in Aughnacloy fighting for her life, a striking picture of PSNI officers appeared in some media reports of the follow-up investigation.
As we draw to the end of Veganuary - the now annual drive to persuade the nation that vegan is the way to go - the one big vegetable-related story that sticks in my mind from a month of commercial attempts to cash in on the campaign is the sad saga of the cauliflower "steak".
The Pope has a point. According to his holiness, the world is now but one step away from nuclear war. One quick button push.
You could be forgiven for thinking that we've cornered the market on symbolism in Northern Ireland with our addiction to flags and emblems.
Not for a second, says Barry McElduff, Member of Parliament for West Tyrone, did he realise any possible link between the product brand name of the loaf he was videoed balancing on his head - and the Kingsmill massacre.
Today is Day Three. And if you are one of the millions who annually launch into a self-improvement/health kick to mark the start of another new year, giving up the booze and the fags, the buns, the hoarding of clutter and the irrational spending on stuff you don't need, you will know full well the significance of Day Three.
