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Dear Stormzy, I know. Of all the people you may have been expecting to receive a letter from this week, it wasn't me. Can I just say you would not have been top of my list of likely correspondents either?
Ladies and gentlemen, the duchess has left the building... after a week in which Harry and Meghan put the cat among the corgis with the bombshell announcement that they are "stepping back" from royal duties (in order to make millions off the back of their royal titles), the Duchess of Sussex, it is reported, has already stepped back to Canada.
This week has been all about the year. Or more precisely the decade. A new one - yaaay! A chance for a whole new start. There's been much reminiscing about the last time we had a Twenties decade - the 1920s, or as it was also known the Roaring Twenties.
That Hillary Rodham Clinton, former First Lady and former Democratic candidate for the US Presidency herself, has been appointed chancellor of Queen's University in Belfast is an undoubted coup for that institution and a massive boost to its prestige.
With Father Christmas due to visit in just a few days the pressure is now on his elf co-workers to ensure that all letters to Santa are read on time. You can just imagine some of the mail they've had to sort through this week...
In one interesting respect which hasn't been getting a whole lot of attention from political pundits more concerned about Brexit-related ramifications, this week's election has been seismic.
Did Trump really take the hump at the NATO conference? More to the point, even if he did head off in a huff, how much should that really matter?
Frozen 2, the follow up to the movie that gave the world the excruciating Let It Go, is back in the cinemas. In other sequels this week - Jeremy Corbyn has been on television starring in Car Crash Interview 2 while Donald Trump has been projecting himself as Rocky Balboa 2.
When he was elected Lord Mayor of Belfast one of John Finucane's pledges was that he would make Belfast City Council "as green and as clean as possible".
The usual, dubious advice given to any novice worried about an upcoming television appearance is this: Just be yourself. Let them see the real you.
It's been a week of election promises with Boris and Jeremy dangling carrots of gold offering millions, billions, trillions even.
As Oscar might have put it, to lose one of your "extremely talented broadcasters" may be regarded as misfortune. To lose four at one time looks a bit like... what?
Politics has become pretty hateful. But should we hate politicians? Put it this way, do you really despise Boris or Jeremy or even John Bercow to the point where you would wish them, you know, actual harm?
You wait all year for a royal documentary to arrive, then two come along at once. This week has been bookended by television analysis of the "work" (I'll come back to that) being carried out by different sections of the "Royal Firm" (as the Queen calls it).
It's been a week of tunnels, tubes, Underground protest and various parties attempting to dig themselves out of holes. Earlier in the week Brexit talks entered what negotiators loftily referred to as "the tunnel".
Always on the lookout for ways in which we can capitalise on plentiful local resources it has occurred to me there might well be an entrepreneurial opportunity in providing professional sectarian services to the public.
Ah, the travails of a modern working mother - all those things you have to juggle simultaneously. The job. The childcare. The trolls...
It was, as Meghan herself would say, a game changer. Having accrued considerable positive publicity over their successful tour of southern Africa, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex should be winding up this week revelling in the warm glow of all those flattering accounts of their speeches, their highlighting of good causes, Archie's unveiling and Meghan's canny choice of shirt dresses.
Prince Harry, on tour in South Africa this week, explained to a young student his great burden of worry. As the lad later relayed it to reporters: "Harry said that he often woke up and felt overwhelmed by too many problems in the world. That sometimes it's hard to get out of bed in the mornings because of all the issues."
A week, as we're constantly being reminded, is a long time in politics. Is it just me or are these political weeks now getting longer and longer?
Blood's thicker than water - as we so often say without giving a whole lot of attention to the obvious follow-on question... Is thick blood really such a big deal? Making the headlines this week have been two stories featuring blood of very watery consistency.
It was a man who led to Ruth Davidson, the Conservative MSP, this week resigning as leader of the Tory party in Scotland. Not Boris - although she's not exactly a fan there.
So, where do we all stand on the Brexit no-deal, crashing out, stockpiling front? Among the concerns highlighted in Government documents carelessly left behind in pubs is the unsettling warning that post-no-deal Brexit, there may be food shortages. Define food shortages...
In one of the last pictures taken of Nora Quoirin, a photograph released by her family as the search to find their little girl continued, she's seen seated beside her mother.
Most Northern Ireland football fans remember September 7, 2005, as that glorious night the home team beat arrogant England 1-0 at Windsor Park.
It's been a week carpeted wall-to-wall with Boris. But now that he's finally PM, attention swings to his new Cabinet. We've got Julian Smith! Ummmm... who? Mr Smith takes over as Secretary of State from Karen Bradley who, let's put it this way, won't be the hardest of acts follow.
The most heartwarming story of the week - David, Lord Trimble's disclosure in the House of Lords that he'd changed his mind about same-sex marriage after his daughter Vicky married her girlfriend, now wife, Ros Stephens.
Prat of the week - despite being up against considerable competition this week, the title has to go to Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, self-styled victim of injustice and oppression who has been jailed for contempt of court (ie endangering a major court case against paedophiles). Yaxley-Lennon, who has adopted the alias Tommy Robinson, entered the court for sentencing amid a throng of excited fans and wearing a T-shirt claiming that he had been "Convicted of Journalism".
Are Harry and Meghan right to try to keep secret the names of their small son Archie's prospective godparents?
I've just done a Boris. Or maybe it should be a Carrie. Either way I'd be surprised if the neighbours haven't already taped it on an iPhone and sent it to The Guardian. In my case it wasn't wine on the sofa. It was E16 on the washing machine.
Tie removal alert! Up until he took part this week in the BBC's Conservative leadership candidates debate, Rory Stewart was being tipped as the outsider to watch. He was the quirky oddball coming from nowhere (well, the Department of International Development), nipping up the blind side of Boris as they headed for the home straight.
Tayto cheese and onion would have put KGB off scent I have a tendency to get around to reading books a bit after everybody else has.
In this week of Trump and circumstance, did Meghan Markle miss a trick by not showing up for the state banquet to welcome the Leader of the Free World? It's one of the questions that occurs at the end of a week when the big debate, of course, centred round the controversial issue of whether or not the Queen - or to be more precise, the Government - was right to roll out the red carpet for the Orange One.
Things have come to a pretty pass when politicians are being taken to court accused of lying. If this catches on we may have to scale up the prison building programme over the next few years.
I have a confession to make. One which, I know, that will alarm and offend and probably even disgust many of my fellow Remainers. Like them I think leaving the EU is very much a bad idea. It is a bad idea for the UK as a whole and will (in my opinion anyway) be even more damaging still for Northern Ireland.
For the local workforce, the loss of over 30 jobs as a result of this week's closure of the Smyth & Gibson shirt factory in Londonderry will be the harshest, the most immediate blow. But this sad news also signals the passing of an era.
I think the maddest reality television show I ever watched an episode of was Naked and Afraid, the plot of which is summed up by the makers as follows: "For 21 days, one man and one woman - meeting for the first time in the nude - are paired and tasked to survive in some of the world's most extreme environments ... with no food, water or clothes."
The week began with two important revelations. One, that going by the council election results, there now appears to be a mood for change in local politics. And two, that Superintendent Ted Hastings is not (so far anyway) the mysterious 'H' in the nation's most watched television crime series.
The girl getting on to our bus had just had a row with a friend. We, her fellow passengers, knew this because she was on the phone telling another friend all about it. Very, very LOUDLY.
My first gut reaction, scrolling through early morning online coverage of the story... what are you doing in there, Lyra? Why is that picture of you right there in the middle of that shocking, breaking story about a young woman shot dead?
According to my son - and he has a point - there's a trick to how people in public life apologise.
It wasn't so much a speech as a telling off. Gripping the Number 10 lectern, thwarted Prime Minister Theresa May let rip at MPs who she felt had hitherto stymied her deal. Her unusual "address to the nation" this week was short and nothing much new was laid before us.
I've mentioned in this column before how I fear for the schoolchildren of the future who will someday have to sit down in a history lesson and try to get their heads around Brexit.
It's been a bit of a testing old week for expat UK members of the jihadi community following news that one of their number has been declared persona non grata by the British Government.
Meghan Markle: the soap opera. In this week's omnibus instalment the Duchess of Sussex (previously Rachel in Suits) is thrilled to discover that a group of anonymous friends have talked to a US magazine describing her as kind and nurturing.
I am woman, I am strong. No, let me rephrase that. I am woman and I am sick of being told I am strong. Like this is a new thing. It's not that I have any problem with the idea of women (or indeed men) being strong, empowered, pursuing their ambitions, reaching for the stars, whatever. Far from it.
Liam Neeson's problem may be that he is too intelligent for the sages of social media. Okay, so maybe it wasn't the cleverest thing in today's censorious, sanctimonious world to confess to a youthful bout of blind rage and racism.
Is 40 the new 80? Rugby star Simon Zebo seems to think so... Responding to news that Ulster Rugby had banned for life a spectator who'd racially abused him during a recent game at the Kingspan Stadium, the player described the culprit as "an elderly man, like 40-plus".
Tantrum Number One of the Week: the hissy fit thrown by Sinn Fein representatives on Belfast City Council, who have objected to allowing cartoonist/artist Brian John Spencer to sketch the council in session, doesn't exactly paint these self-styled torch-bearers for inclusivity in a flattering light.
It will come as a surprise to no one that the poet Michael Longley, a man whose building blocks are words, should relish and respect language. In an interview on Radio Ulster's Talkback this week, the great man spoke of his regret that he'd never learned to speak Irish - he says he envies fellow poets who are bilingual.
