Belfast Telegraph

Beam me up, Davina's inkling for tattoos is quite alien to me

By Robert McNeill

How distressing to read that Davina McCall (right), a Channel 4 television presenter, has an alien on her bottom. Not only that but she has horns on her loins.

This is grim news indeed. These insignia, it turns out, are tattoos. Worse still, she also revealed that her nipple has been pierced.

Honestly, has the woman no earlobes? The earlobe, as you know, is a useless part of the human anatomy, flapping about and generally acting the goat.

So I've no objections to citizens appending medallions to it. But I object to leading role models like Davina dangling trinkets from their sensitive parts.

In a photo-shoot for Heat, a cultural magazine, Davina donned a Brownie costume and smudged chocolate around her mouth. Do you ever have days where you feel you're from a different planet?

Oh, beam me back to my own world, where we smudge chocolate on our earlobes, but our bottoms remain untattooed.

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