Big cats have to be taught who is really top dog
This column prides itself on witlessly surfing the zeitgeist, blissfully unaware that it's going with the flow, while simultaneously mixing its metaphors with expert ineptitude and running ahead of the pack.
Thus, when we wrote about cheetahs last week, we should have known they'd be all over the world's media subsequently. Last week, the evil beasts were castigated for eating a baby impala after it had tried to cuddle them. This week, three of the inexpressibly wicked creatures sought to break free from their natural habitat — a zoo — doubtless with the intention of eating anything that moved, except maybe a bus (though I wouldn't put it past them).
With sick-making cunning, the controversially spotted trio swam across a moat and crawled through a hole in a rusty fence to escape their pen at a wildlife park in New Zealand. Visitors at Orana Wildlife Park had to be kept in a secure area until rangers rounded up these unspeakable terrorists of the savannah or wherever it is. Cheetahs hate swimming, so they must have been desperate to hit the streets and frighten decent taxpayers.
A picture on this very newspaper’s website showed their wicked, scowling faces, with one of them affecting to yawn insouciantly. However, surely now, after their vile escapade, they must have learned that mankind is top dog when it comes to bossing nature about.
Now, they must serve the rest of their sentences, while homo sapiens points at them and titters.