Belfast Telegraph

Is Prince William marrying, er, Cheryl?

By Robert McNeill

Like many citizens, I can't wait for the wedding of Prince William and Cheryl, if that's the name.

I look forward to following events closely on television, with popcorn and sherry to hand, shortly before I'm sectioned by the authorities.

There seems little interest at present in these nuptials, though the curtseying papers will surely ramp up coverage in the days before kick-off.

Author Martin Amis has already savaged the Royal Family generally, saying the Queen never listens and that Prince Charles has a laugh like a pig's snore.

For good measure, he added that the Royals were "Philistines" and the aristocracy "pathetic".

These shocking allegations led to sporadic outbreaks of rioting in several sitting rooms across the land.

However, feelings were assuaged by the release of William -amp; Cheryl - The Movie, which critics say is so bad it's good.

William is played by Nico Evers-Swindell, a name uncannily evocative of Royalty.

Worse still, Justin Hanlon, a foreign person playing Prince Harold, claimed he didn't know who Prince Philip was and had never heard of Eton, the famous prison.

London local paper the Guardian described the film as "toe-curlingly, teeth-furringly, pillow-bitingly ghastly".

However, I'm sure such superior sniping won't stop decent, ordinary people tuning in by the dozens to see it.


From Belfast Telegraph