Zumba helps Wayne lead defenders a merry dance
Now I've heard it all, even if not literally. Manchester footballer Sir Wayne Rooney has joined the zumba dance fitness craze. This is absurd beyond reason (as absurdity tends to be).
Exercise classes grow dafter with every day that passes, featuring many zany gimmicks such as Bodyflap, Bodyrock, Bonkercise and Yogaboxing. But zumba is the nadir even of these. Hence its popularity. To be fair, I've never seen a zumba class, but every woman I know goes, and that cannot be healthy.
For a start, each class has the obligatory sole male, without which no activity can begin because of EU health and safety regulations. Like most exercise scams nowadays, zumba involves disco music and is, indeed, just glorified dancing dressed up as exercise. It's one of the reasons I'm stopping my gym membership. The classes are just rubbish. Normal men wouldn't be seen dead in them.
But, clearly, Sir Wayne is not as other men. Insiders at his house say he has been influenced by his wife, Coleen. Earlier this year, Sir Wayne's head prompted observers to say: toupée or not toupée, that is the question. But now they're asking: has Sir Wayne's wig gone to his head? Remember this lesson in life, folks: no good ever came out of anything beginning with "z".