If Jack and Jill are in P1 and P5 respectively, their sibling Tom in year nine and the 9th being a Tuesday, on what day should their parents have the heating on based on the latest phased return of schools?
Memories of those dreaded 11-plus verbal reasoning questions reared their heads with the schools' return announcement. I have two primary-aged children - in P1 and P3 - so there was pounding of my kitchen table as Arlene Foster confirmed their return - while other year groups have to wait.
But then mine are again sent home to allow for kids in a different school altogether to get back to their classroom.
But - as always - it is not even that simple, if simple were the word. Our school has a long-planned two-day break worked into one week. So it's eight days back before three weeks of Easter. I'll crack. It is difficult to understand how sending such young children into school, for such a short period of time, is going to be of any benefit.
Our kids are already acting up, nerves are frayed, emotions high, mum and dad exhausted juggling work, life, schooling and multiple trips to the bottle bank. Now we have to explain that school's back, but not quite.
How will teachers be able to establish any semblance of normality or learning for children, in eight days after 75 days since the kids' last day in uniform?
It is hard to not think this hokey cokey 'in, out; in, out; shake it all about' return is more damaging. And then there is the look at the schedules and how this stop-start-stop will work. It bursts our support bubble so there has to be 10 days isolation to get vital help. Breaking point passed a long time ago in our house and we have flexible employers that have allowed for changes to working patterns. Nevertheless, leave will have to be taken, home-schooling and breaking the news will have to work side-by-side. Don't get me wrong - I am glad they will get to return to school.
They need it, but for the long-term, not piecemeal.
They need the structure, routine, stimulation, sports, the friends that all come with school. They have missed five and a half months of it with 24/7 isolation with siblings and parents - and watching dad swear at the uselessness of school-at-home tech - taking its place.
How I pine for a day out at Funky Monkeys. Arlene Foster says she empathises with home-schooling parents. But who authorised the 'no work you get marked absence' diktat last month?
Remember last year's quickly dispensed with suggestion that larger venues could be used to get more kids back to school in a safer environment?
Last year's shutdown was unexpected. This year's was not. After easing pressure on the health care system education has to be the priority.
Education officials should have been working since day one of the first lockdown on plans to get school back for all as soon as possible and to mitigate against another lockdown.
We need the same innovative thinking we are trying to instil in our youth put to work.
This wretched virus will soon join the 11-plus in the memories but the damage to our children's education will be evident for years to come.