Belfast Telegraph

Billy on the Box: An off day as Adrian Chiles piles on the agony

Oh how I’ve missed you. Your hangdog looks, incoherent mumblings and capacity to have me shouting obscenities at the telly on a Sunday as you embrace yet another failure.

No, not Kenny Dalglish, but Adrian Chiles, who was busier on TV this weekend than Ryan Babel on his Twitter feed, only not as funny.

Not being a morning person, I can’t really comment on Daybreak, although sheer ignorance hasn’t stopped me before, but anything that makes you long for Mike Morris and Wincey Willis surely can’t be good.

He was on more familiar ground with the FA Cup, and he’s certainly earning that massive cheque he got from ITV, starting off at the Emirates on Saturday lunchtime before heading north for the small matter of King Kenny’s return to action with Liverpool at Manchester United.

I would like to thank John W Henry and the rest of the Boston scallys for bringing Dalglish back as I was honestly losing interest in the Premier League but having him back reminds me of the hell he and Liverpool put me through as a child and thus my bitterness and bias levels are now brimming to bursting point.

The match itself, as is always the way now when these two meet, was rubbish, even pairing a Red Devil and a Red in the commentary box in the shape of Clive ‘have I mentioned 1999 yet’ Tyldesley and Jim ‘I played for Liverpool, you know’ Beglin not producing the fireworks.

There was even a handshake between Kenny and Sir Alex, when back in the day when he was just Fergie, they would have been wrestling in front of the Stretford End.

The only red-faced thing Kenny (pictured) tangled with came in the tunnel as he confronted glory, glory Howard Webb to ask him how he was and suddenly Fred the Red popped up between them.

It was a penalty because it was given and it was a sending off because it was, and that’s the end of it, no matter how much Jim bleated on about it, although ITV’s choice of advert at half-time with Stevie G imploring the virtues about a drink that ‘helps you finish strongly in the last 15 minutes’ was the funniest thing all weekend.

Certainly it was a lot funnier than Chiles’ final effort — That Sunday Night Show. It sounds like ‘night’, I’ll give you that, but it was dreadful, even getting Shaun Ryder on to swear isn’t going to make you into Clive James, Adrian.

Guest after guest was wheeled on in between clips from the internet with Al Murray and Pamela Stephenson sitting bemused by what was going on, while praying it all ended before Daybreak.

Adrian said recently that he compared watching himself to a visit to the dentist. He’s wrong, at least you can avoid the dentist.

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