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Billy on the Box: Champagne super Novak No.1 hit in tennis

And so on to Wimbers and THE heavyweight battle of the weekend.

That Swiss chap who used to be good and some dour Scottish numpty were sent home to think again leaving the way for the conqueror of brave Andy to retain his rightful place on the All-England throne.

Except someone forgot to mention that to some Serbian chap who came along and spoiled everything by beating Rafa Nadal.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this but you knew things weren’t going to go smoothly when the day started with Boris Becker, just back from Hamburg (with Rory in his hand luggage), forced to do a toe-curling (careful, that can be sore) piece inspired by the Terminator before the action started.

Even more frightening was a quick look at the screen and what appeared to be a topless Sue Barker, but it was a pink, wrinkled top so panic over.

Sadly we got an all too brief interview with John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg, who gets more like Geoffrey from Rainbow by the day.

Zippy and Bungle soon appeared too — rather it was Greg Rusedski and Tim Henman — telling us just what Andy Murray had to do to become a champion. Getting to, and winning the final would be a start.

Sadly George couldn’t make it, replaced by Andrew Castle in the commentary box, where he was joined by ‘come on’ Tim and Boris, with the latter’s presence in a confined space meaning exit route planning was at a premium.

It wasn’t long before Boris was talking balls. Bouncing ones, to be precise, as in Rainbow-style we all joined in in counting how many times Novak Djokovic bounced his before serving.

The first set was a cracker, Boris saying it was ‘becoming a slap fest out there’ and leaving you wondering why it couldn’t have been in the commentary box too, but we were warned that if you heard any heavy breathing between points it was the ball boys who were standing near the microphones on court. Andrew and Tim probably moved slightly closer to the door.

And then it all became a bit flat, in keeping with Wimbledon as a whole really, promising much and delivering little in the end, but at least we could finish on a high with Sue’s interviews with the winner and loser. Only problem was that Norman Collier provided the microphones and no-one heard a word. Let’s hope his contract is extended to the commentary box next year.

Belfast Telegraph