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Billy on the Box: Round the bend in flying start for darts

The utter madness that is Premier League Darts returned in all its pomp and glory last Thursday evening on Sky.

It’s the usual routine, sporadic outbreaks of darts interrupting the colossal drunken roars of the world’s biggest stag party and as always on the opening night there were the new boys dipping their tungsten in for the first time.

Former plumber Mark Webster was the first to appear, or Webby as he has become, as it is compulsory to have a nickname and ‘U-bend’ wouldn’t have been suitable as who knows what would have accompanied him onto the stage.

As it was he was joined by Spiderman and an array of dancing girls as Sky glossed over the sexism furore of recent times and I’m sure that was the Female Eunuch they were reading.

He appeared to be playing Jim Davidson, so add whatever ‘ism’ you want into the mix, but it was just a chubby James Wade to play for the ‘unofficial left-handed World Championship’ according to John Gwynne.

The plumber beat the mechanic and next up was the second new boy, Gary ‘Flying Scotsman’ Anderson, up against Simon Whitlock, the ‘beard to be feared’ in the words of Sid ‘notsexist’ Waddell.

Anderson in Top Gun shades was accompanied by girls in obscenely tight flying suits, although the zips must have been broken as they only came up past their belly button, and the choice of Jump Around as walk-on music was inspired. Just as well they had shades as there was a serious danger of them getting two black eyes.

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