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Billy on the Box: Troops come under friendly fire from Rocket

As if the poor people of Afghanistan haven’t suffered enough and you’d think our troops had taken an adequate battering, but the full shock and awe of Sky Sports was launched upon them this week.

With Vera Lynn camped at Dover, Katherine Jenkins still being lifted off the stage in Birmingham and Bob Hope unavoidably deceased, it was up to roving reporter Geoff Shreeves and Rocket from Soccer AM to entertain the troops at Camp Bastion.

There have been less frightening and more entertaining video packages sent back by Osama Bin Laden than we had here and the joke about Rocket and troops was as drawn out as the conflict.

It’s a shame they couldn’t have parachuted in Helen Chamberlain, her daft sidekick Willie Rushton or whatever he’s called and Tubes in behind enemy lines and then forgotten all about them.

The weather here meant Super Sunday (I’ll have the soup please) was replaced by Colonel Richard Keys, specialising in gorilla warfare, joined at base by Corporal Andy Gray of the Blues and Royals, and |Private Jamie Redknapp, of the Queen’s Own Unfeasibly Tight Trousers Brigade.

There were messages of support from the Premiership managers, including Gerard Houllier, who was heard enquiring about taking over at Helmond Wanderers as the Villa training ground was just far too dangerous of late.

Andy can always be relied upon on these occasions, telling the troops that “Chelsea’s season hasn’t quite blown up yet,” while Ryan Giggs and Gary Neville were let loose on a helicopter simulator.

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No shock when Giggsy plummeted into the ground. I mean, he hasn’t been able to cross a ball in 20 years of trying so what chance of keeping an Apache airborne?

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