Belfast Telegraph

I'm a celebrity contestant Jimmy Bullard: I am just an average midfielder... get me out here!

By Billy Weir

RATS, snakes and spiders are just three of the things that Jimmy Bullard confessed would make him jump through the roof so, as they say in football parlance, at the end of the day, what's he doing there?

He asked this early doors on I'm A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here, and let's be honest, the answer is you're desperate to continue a career forged on being a cheeky Cockney chappie and you're skint after a financial deal went a little Pete Tong.

It's good to have him on board, even though he nearly fell into the swimming pool when he arrived so things weren't auguring well for the jungle, where there is a smattering of other sporting interest.

Chief amongst them is Carl 'Foggy' Fogarty - motorbike legend - and Melanie Sykes, not a motorbike legend after her short and far from glorious stint as BT Sport's MotoGP presenter. This was clearly one of the 'other projects' she was pursuing after she exited faster than a scalded Kawasaki.

And then there is Nadia Forde, who, she reliably informed us, is 'best known for being an Irish TV personality' and is also a friend of Rory McIlroy. I don't see what the multi-millionaire sees in her, apart from that grass bikini…

After being apart in the beginning, Foggy was released from the jungle slammer to join Bullard and co. in the main camp and you can see these two being the main sources of entertainment, while that annoying bint from TOWIE is as unpalatable as Iain Dowie in a grass bikini.

Foggy passed the first Bushtucker Trial with ease, including a python becoming quite attached to his chassis, while Jimmy screamed like a big girl and was, and probably will be, nominated for every challenge from now on in.

Foggy offered support, saying: "If he comes back with nothing, I'll kick his head in," before Jimmy headed off to the Tunnel of Terror, where so much swearing hasn't been heard in a tunnel since Roy Keane didn't have an altercation with Patrick Vieira.

The boy Bullard done quite good and would you Adam and Eve it, he gave up the prize of some dinner to bring in Vicki Michelle to the camp only to be gutted that it wasn't the 1985 version. What a mistakea to makea, as someone might have said in 'Allo 'Allo.

It was happy days for Jimbo. I wouldn't go as far as saying he was over the moon or as sick as a parrot but he was certainly faring better than Foggy's python, and I shall say that only once.

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