My dearest reader, you find me on the horns of a dilemma that could leave me with some very awkward questions and risk losing some of my oldest friends to boot.
No, not that, that case won't be dealt with for some time. No, the issue that has had me waking up in the middle of the night with the sweat lashing off me is of a footballing variety.
How do I choose a winner from Coleraine v Ballymena United in the first of Monday's Irish Cup semi-finals?
I know what you're thinking, as a native of the Braid surely there can only be one choice, but this has been a weird old time and it isn't as simple as just plain old parochial loyalties. There are moral issues at stake here.
The decision to curtail the Danske Bank Premiership with seven games to go and hand the title to Linfield will never sit easily with me. No qualms at all about stating Linfield were, as the table shows, the best team with 31 games played, but there will always be that 'but what if?' hanging over the 'success'.
Oran Kearney's men were four points in arrears, and while they have already been handed the consolation prize of a guaranteed Europa League spot for finishing second, that isn't the same as the chance to bring the Gibson Cup back to the Ballycastle Road.
Title-challenging seasons are more of a luxury for those north of Glengormley. Ballymena United had their first for some considerable time last season - the last was around the time St Patrick was dandering about Slemish in a pair of sandals and woolly socks tending to his flock.
Ultimately they had to give second best to Linfield but at least had all 38 games to give it that lash.
Coleraine have won the league just the once. That was back in 1974, the team assembled and managed by the late, great Bertie Peacock, with the likes of Johnny McCurdy and Des Dickson to the fore.
It is another Ballymoney man now pulling the strings, Kearney taking up where he left off before his stint of missionary work with St Mirren.
He bowed out in 2018 with an Irish Cup success over Cliftonville and there could be a repeat of that final if the Reds get the better of their own piece of parochial business later on Monday evening once the country cousins head up the M2 and the A26.
Unlike Glentoran, who take on Paddy McLaughlin's side, fluttering ribbons in May, or July in this case, haven't been a regular occurrence for any of the protagonists. Ballymena, like Coleraine, have won the competition six times and, like a cheap spray tan, are a bit streaky.
Four of Coleraine's wins came in that Peacock era in 1965 and then three times in the Seventies, while Ballymena are often referred to (wrongly) as Cup kings in the Eighties, with wins in '81, '84 and '89. We'll gloss over those six wins for the Glens between 1983-90 - some of the 22 times they have lifted the trophy.
It wouldn't be the Cup without a good hoodoo, and that's where Cliftonville come in. They haven't won the Cup since Marty Quinn was in short trousers, back in 1979.
That was their eighth win in the competition, though the first since 1909, but they have come close since their last success, being bridesmaids four times and jilted at the altar in the final that never was in 1999.
Okay, onto omens then. I have been rummaging around to find when Coleraine and Ballymena last faced each other in the Irish Cup semi-final. The Sky Blues got the better of the Bannsiders in a League Cup semi-final in 2016, while the roles were reversed with Kearney's men thumping United in a home Irish Cup quarter-final last season.
The only one I can find at this stage of the competition was in 1970, details scant at best, but what I did find was that, against all odds, Ballymena defeated Peacock's side, who finished second in the league, before going on to lose the final to Linfield.
The semi was also notable in that it was the game where Coleraine boy Jim Platt, in nets for Ballymena, was spotted by Middlesbrough where he went on to become a goalkeeping legend at Ayresome Park.
His brother John, of course, scored for the Reds in the '79 final victory over Portadown, and Jim returned to Warden Street where he guided the Sky Blues to the Cup in 1984 before hot-footing it to Coleraine, something that still rankles deeply with those of a Braid rather than Bann persuasion.
But the biggest portent perhaps we should heed is that one of those Ballymena Cup triumphs came with the world in the throes of a global crisis - the onset of World War Two - their 2-0 win over Glenavon in 1940 over-shadowed somewhat by much more important things.
It was to be the last action for United until the 1946-1947 season, with the Showgrounds taken over for the war effort, so let's hope that a seventh Cup success wouldn't mean a similar sabbatical.
As for the Glens, well, their last success was in 2015 when Eddie Patterson guided them to a second Cup win in three years and his reward was the sack the following season, so Mick McDermott be warned!
And so we are all set then for the return of football - well, for a week - before we stop for a few days and then Europe beckons for some and one of the four protagonists, unless Coleraine win and Crusaders sneak in with their pesky third-place finish in the league.
Morally it would be nice to see Coleraine win or for Cliftonville to end that hoodoo, but for McDermott and Ballymena's sakes it may be safer to bow out gracefully.
Then again, it is the IFA running this show - why do I have this nagging doubt that come Monday morning we'll all wake up and be told that it isn't going ahead after all?