Belfast Telegraph

Robbie has a go at savage

By Billy Weir

You know something major is going down when Gary Lineker comes onto the screen with a serious bake on him and addresses the footballing world. "Good evening," he began ominously, the merest hint of a tremor in his dulcet Midlands tones. "England bow out of the World Cup with a goalless draw against Costa Rica."

Oh, but in the words of Jimmy Cricket, there's more, as Lineker shuffled awkwardly in his espadrilles, probably with 'L' and 'R' written on them, to continue.

"The big story in Brazil is that Luis Suarez appears once again to have sunk his teeth into an opponent," and the Uruguayan inquisition began with Alan Shearer, Danny Murphy and the aptly named, Robbie Savage, sitting in judgement.

"Staggering, I just could not believe it," began Shearer, before adding "I'm lost for words", which isn't really handy when you're the chief pundit for the evening.

Help was at hand with Murphy, who rescued Shearer by saying "we can't think of words to describe how bad his behaviour is."

Oh, for goodness sake, is there no-one who can find the words? No, not you Savage put your hand down.

Oh, alright then, what do you have to say about it?

"To react like that is a disgrace. He should never play international football again," he bellowed, his ponytail flapping around excitedly while thousands of miles away Michael Hughes pondered why he hadn't sunk his teeth into Savage instead of just clumping him back in the day.

Murphy, or Dr Murphy, was back soon after with a more considered diagnosis.

"There's something not quite right with him," he began.

"And I mean that in the nicest way." Wouldn't like to hear you when you're being nasty.

In the meantime, Shearer had thought of something to say.

"Well, three bites and you're out," he said, to howls of laughter and then he nipped that in the bud.

"Sorry, we shouldn't be laughing about it," he said, apologetically. Don't apologise, Alan, it's your first offence, you'll get away with a warning, before Scouser Murphy offered light at the end of the Mersey Tunnel for Suarez supporters.

"The one thing for Liverpool fans is that no-one is going to come in to buy him after this," he concluded. Oh, I don't know, there's Bayern Munchen, Cowdenteeth or maybe even Cluj, Transylvania's finest.

That move to Chewventus is unlikely to happen now though.

Roy's gift of the Gabriel

It has been bad enough to see Gabby Logan fawning over Roy Hodgson and asking difficult questions like 'did you sleep alright?' to the England manager but I never expected Gabriel Clarke to follow suit.

The normally excellent ITV touchline reporter was in Belo Horizonte as minnows England gained their first point against the reserve team of international heavyweights, Costa Rica.

"Roy, a long goodbye and a wave to the fans from the players, is the feeling a little better or still hollow?" enquired Clarke.

"No, it's still hollow. We showed today what a good team we are," began Hodgson.

"Unfortunately we didn't take our goal chances but if we'd taken them we would have won comfortably," added Hodgson.

Indeed Roy, and if your granny had Brazucas, she'd be your granda.

 

 

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