Belfast Telegraph

Strictly speaking, all that glitters isn't always gold

By Billy Weir

As I sit here struggling in vain to remove my glitter-encrusted spandex trousers with the aid of the fire brigade, a crowbar and an industrial size can of Swarfega for extra leverage, it seems an apt time to welcome back Strictly Come Dancing.

Back on our screens last Saturday night, they had the good grace to include some sports 'stars' to add a bit of gold to the glitter and glamour. Or bronze as the case may be.

The biggest of the three is Anthony 'Wake Me Up Before You' Agogo, who Tess Daly reliably informed us is "a boxer and an Olympic bronze medallist".

"I'm a sportsman, I'm used to winning, I'm used to being No.1," Agogo told us, conveniently forgetting that coming third isn't the new No.1 and bronze is not the new gold.

"I want to give the people at home a knock-out," he promised and with so many people you'd want to give a damned good thrashing to about the studio, he may be a busy man.

One of them is the second of our sporting triangle, Iwan Thomas, who, of course, is better known for coming third in the Most Annoying Blonde Welsh Person Competition, narrowly edged out by Robbie Savage and H from Steps, two Strictly alumni.

Who will forget the scandal though as Thomas was disqualified from that august competition after it was discovered that he had used performance enhancing hair dye and was in fact more orange than Craig Revell-Horwood? Who would have thought it, an athlete coming under suspicion.

Anyhow, there was no doubting Thomas' athletics pedigree as Tess told us he "was next out of the blocks", just in case you'd forgotten he was a 400m runner and another golden boy who had won silver at the Olympics.

"Even though I'm not the world's best dancer, I'm going to lap it up," he said, in case it had slipped your mind again, and as he entered the arena Tess welcomed him with "on your marks, get set for Iwan". Is he an athlete by any chance?

It turns out that he may be even more annoying than Savage, losing the run (he's an athlete, you see) of himself when paired with dancer Ola Jordan, who you hoped would somehow turn into Joe Jordan and land one on him.

The final piece of the sporting jigsaw was provided by Kirsty Gallacher, who told us that she saw "ballroom as a sporting event, you have to be quite flexible and strong". Hmm, I look forward to seeing Ann Widdecombe, John Sergeant and Russell Grant in Rio next year. They could maybe get Iwan in to complete a 4x400 relay team as he's an athlete.

Many more weeks of this drivel stretch ahead, but no matter what our intrepid trio do or say in that time, they can rest assured of one thing.

None of them will be as annoying as that toothy eejit Anton de Boke or whatever he's called.

Belfast Telegraph


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