Biting back: When even simplest figures don't add up 

The back page headline screamed that Manchester United had lined up a swap deal with Real Madrid, with David de Gea going one way and Gareth Bale the other.

Biting Back: This Manchester United superstar's not so stupid 

The most successful player in the history of football will, once again, be made available to other clubs when the transfer window opens next month.

Biting back: Dave Whelan no racist but he's now in a nightmare 

I've met Dave Whelan a few times and he always came across as a throughly decent sort. That opinion hasn't really changed despite the flurry of negative headlines about the Wigan Athletic chairman.

Biting Back: No shades of grey in John Motson's commentary 

Oh, brilliant... oh yes, ohhh YES! I know what you're thinking but you're wrong! That wasn't a soundbite from Fifty Shades of Grey.

John Laverty: Brendan Rodgers can help exorcise the ghosts of Liverpool past 

One of the quickly cobbled-together ‘profiles’ of Brendan Rodgers informs us that “he doesn’t believe in ghosts.”

Newcastle United axeman Ashley is so out of Toon 

Two years ago a poll revealed that 87% of football supporters believe Newcastle United is “the worst run club in Britain.”

John Laverty: Sectarianism has no sense of humour, David 

Okay, cards on the table right from the start. I know David Healy pretty well and I like him a lot.

John Laverty: For Lamps & Co, the real world has gone forever 

Remember Neil Webb? Of course you do. Neil was a more than useful midfielder with an explosive shot who played for Nottingham Forest, Manchester United and England twenty-odd years ago.

John Laverty: Federer could have lost a lot more than a title 

I used to play a lot of tennis. Really loved it. Wasn't very good though, despite countless hours of practice on those terrific grass courts near Ballycastle beach, where my family would spend many a summer.

John Laverty: Let's pause to remember two incredibly brave men 

I was in Barcelona at the weekend, and the timing of the trip was both coincidental and mildly ironic. My last visit to the teeming Catalan metropolis was almost exactly nine years ago — for the Champions League final between Manchester United and Bayern Munich.

John Laverty: Alex too driven to quit now 

My first meeting with Alex Ferguson was a rather surreal experience. It took place nearly 20 years ago at the Brandywell, following a friendly between Derry City and Manchester United that ended in a 1-1 draw.

Better late than never isn't good enough Ports 

Nearly two decades on, and the wheel appears to have come full circle for Portadown Football Club.

'DJ' can spin trophies out for years 

Before getting into the meat of this week's column, I want to give a special mention to my younger brother Paul.

Touchline bans are not worth a damn 

I have a shocking confession to make . . . I have never paid to get into Ballymena Showgrounds. There, I've said it. The secret's out. I can't take it back.

John Laverty: Belfast stadium idea is now skating on thin ice 

I heard Belfast councillor Bob Stoker on the radio the other day. I couldn't see his face, obviously, so I couldn't tell you how straight it was when he was delivering his remarks.

Sanchez, Sky Sports and sex; the IFA won't forget 2007 in a hurry 

Our sister paper Sunday Life carried this big front page headline at the weekend: "Ulster coke shock."

Sorry, but Calzaghe didn't do it for me 

Awards ceremonies, on the whole, are excruciatingly boring affairs. To me, the best bit is afterwards when you can stand at the bar and disagree about who should have won.

Let's do the Irish FA dance: one step forward, two back 

And so it came to pass. Yes, after many years of procrastination, hand-wringing and downright obstinance, the Irish FA has finally dragged itself into the 21st century.

John Laverty: Stan prompts another fine mess 

Okay, let's make something clear right from the start: I don't particularly like Steve Staunton and I never have.

Don't kid yourself; England can win this World Cup too 

No, be afraid. be very afraid. I know what you're thinking; it doesn't really matter that England have somehow made it to another rugby World Cup final.

John Laverty: Forget the fan and ban that diddy Dida instead 

I hate the X Factor. no, actually I love it. Well, that's not strictly true either. I do enjoy watching it, but in a masochistic sort of way. And I'm become obsessed with spotting the fake, sorry, staged scenes.

Do the decent thing now, Eddie - resign 

Personally, I blame the anthem. I mean, let's face it, who could be inspired by the strains of "Ireland's Call?"

Jose's pay-off was indeed a special one 

Maddy or Maddie? Is one right and the other wrong - or are they both right?

John Laverty: Punch-up was a clear signal that it's the end of the road 

I'm not one of those people who runs around telling folk "I told you so." No, sod that. Actually, I am one of those people.

Caging wounded animals is not the answer, Nigel 

They call it the best job in journalism and, having done it myself, it's hard to disagree with that assessment.

John Laverty: Outdated, racist and still in the rule book 

It seems so long ago now. Even longer when you tell people about it and see the bemused looks on their faces.

You were brilliant, Boycie, but now it's time to let go 

They called it a storm in a teacup. And, in many ways, it was.

John Laverty: This could be the silliest season of all 

Clearly the silly season isn't over yet.

Ironic times at Windsor Park 

Last week's column on sectarianism seemed to cause quite a stir, going by the spate of e-mails it prompted.

Lawrie's million reasons to move 

Northern Ireland manager Lawrie Sanchez will be handed a deal worth up to 10 times his current salary if he keeps Fulham in the Premiership.