Back in the day, I took a friend along to see a Derry City match I was reporting on.
t wasn’t a particularly good game — the FAI Cup final with Dundalk in Dublin, which the Candystripes lost 1-0.
When asked what he thought after seeing the League of Ireland’s ‘glamour club’ for the first time he replied, rather witheringly: “Like watching Distillery… with a crowd.”
Perhaps a tad unfair, that. Derry City were certainly pulling in the fans back then, had the kudos and — apparently — the resources to attract big-name players from across Europe
But they weren’t very good, finishing that 1987-88 season in eighth place, 15 points behind Double-winning Dundalk.
That “Distillery with a crowd” remark returned to mind last week as Manchester United deservedly crashed out of the Champions League at home to Atletico Madrid.
Dear oh dear.
For me, an incident that summed the current United up was the introduction of Juan Mata as substitute in the last half hour as his employers strived to reach the quarter-finals for only the third time since gracing the 2011 final.
Admit it; you thought the likeable wee Spaniard had retired years ago, didn’t you?
But no, he’s still there, still warming the bench — and, approaching his 34th birthday, still trousering £163,000 a week, at least until his contract expires and the end of this fifth barren, trophyless season.
Mata’s a decent bloke and was a fine player too, but he’s also emblematic of the current malaise at a club that, for the last decade, has been operating on the hoof with no tangible plan.
They’ve tried every kind of manager — another straight-talking Scot to succeed Fergie, two Champions League-winning bosses (who, to be fair, brought trophies but not the ones United are measured by), a terrace hero and now an ‘interim’ German in the forlorn hope that ‘Klopp II’ had arrived, albeit for a short time, at OT.
Ralf Rangnick is only keeping the seat warm for someone else and can’t be blamed for the basket case he inherited from Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.
Had Luke Shaw not been sidelined with Covid-19, the team-sheet for the tame surrender against Atletico would have contained hugely expensive signings by all four of the United’s previous ‘permanent’ post-Fergie managers.
A commentator remarked during the game that Mata was “the last link with David Moyes’ ill-fated time at United”.
Not true, and here’s why: after Mata leaves, there will still be a Moyes ‘signing’ at the club.
Not only that, but he’s the man now entrusted with rebooting United.
Step forward from the shadows John Murtough, whom Moyes appointed from Everton in December 2013 to run the scouting and academy operations and who is now the club’s football director.
The 48-year-old Mancunian keeps an incredibly low profile for someone who has had such an important job for over a year now.
But he is highly rated both within and outside Old Trafford; indeed, I read recently in one of the tabloids that “David Beckham’s Inter Miami” {Becks sold his stake in the American club years ago, but I digress} were keen to recruit him as their head honcho.
He may eschew the limelight, but Murtough’s influence on the future of Manchester United is already evident.
Their supposed ‘failure’ to sign any new players in January was because the football director had ordered that the transfer window must be used for trimming a seriously bloated first-team squad, not adding to it.
The highly unusual appointment of an ‘interim’, until an appropriate successor to OGS was found, was also down to him.
Murtough will have a huge say in who the new guy is although, realistically, there are only three candidates under serious consideration at present: Mauricio Pochettino, Erik ten Hag and Thomas Tuchel.
Apparently the first two have “severely dented” their chances of getting the job through seeing their respective teams, PSG and Ajax, crashing out of Europe last week; if that’s how United are thinking, then the disastrous short-termism that has marred the post-Fergie era hasn’t gone away.
Don’t forget that Solskjaer was appointed on a full-time contract largely on the back of a fluke Champions League victory over PSG in 2019.
On that basis, Pochettino’s candidacy should be discarded because an otherwise stunning goal against Real Madrid by Kylian Mbappe was ruled out for the most marginal of offsides, and because the normally reliable PSG goalkeeper Gianluigi Donnarumma produced, arguably, the worst performance of his career.
It’s spontaneous decisions such as those that Murtough is determined to eradicate, although there’s little doubt United would pounce like a tiger should the hugely-impressive Tuchel become a casualty of Chelsea’s post-Abramovich fire sale.
Murtough is in the highly unusual position of being able to cast the net for a new manager without annoying the current one.
United may still be one of the world’s most attractive clubs to ambitious coaches and players but their European campaign ended with a strike duo of Cristiano Ronaldo and Edinson Cavani — combined age 72 years — and Mata, who hadn’t featured in a meaningful game for 10 months.
The club, under instruction from Murtough, will also bite the financial bullet and allow Paul Pogba — surely the most disappointing and certainly the costliest signing in United’s history (although Harry Maguire is threatening that mantle) — to leave on a free this summer.
Pogba’s erratic form and fitness is one of the reasons his current employers are struggling to qualify for next season’s Champions League.
Ironically the Frenchman, unlike most of his team-mates, has a contract that exempts him from the 25% pay cut that follows failure to finish in the top four. (Now you know why ‘super-agent’ Mino Raiola gets the big bucks).
Ronaldo would ‘suffer’ a 25% reduction but unlike Pogba, Jesse Lingard, Cavani and others, he won’t be leaving at the end of this season.
Even if he wanted to — and United agreed to cancel his contract — who else is going to offer a 37-year-old half a million pounds a week?
The purchases of Pogba, Maguire and Anthony Martial account for over a quarter of the £1.17b spent on transfer fees since United last won the Premier League title in 2013.
It’s Murtough’s job to liaise with the new chief executive Richard Arnold to ensure such industrial-scale wastage — despite the ‘market value’ of the current squad, not once this season have they managed to win three games in a row — is never repeated.
United’s current problems won’t be solved by throwing another £100m at, say, West Ham’s combative midfielder Declan Rice, although they could certainly do with a Keano-esque player like him.
Murtough won’t be directly involved in the redevelopment plans for Old Trafford, which include extending the south stand over the railway lines or completely rebuilding it.
Raze it to the ground, I say. It’s an embarrassing, stinking, leaking dump, unfit for purpose.
Whatever is decided, the stadium’s capacity will shoot up and that’s Richard Arnold’s principal task.
John Murtough’s brief is to ensure we’re no longer watching Distillery with a crowd.
