"As long as I get that fiver off Francie, it's like getting five million off anybody else."
Denis McInerney could have been any golfer on any course across Northern Ireland yesterday.
It was the day that the sport burst back into life following its coronavirus shutdown, over eight weeks since the last shot was struck.
The world has changed almost beyond recognition and yet for thousands of golfers, there was a welcome return to something resembling normality.
On Lurgan Golf Club's first tee, McInerney vows, as always, to win the wager with his playing partner and nemesis Francie Tallon.
Beneath the jibes, both know it doesn't really matter.
"Just being here is like Christmas has come early," smiles Tallon.
The duo had won the 'bun fight' for tee-times that swept Northern Ireland once the return to action was announced by Arlene Foster and Michelle O'Neill on Monday afternoon.
As captain of the club, it goes to show you how big the demand was that I could only get a time at half seven at night. I'm the last man out
Less than 40 hours later, the first golfers were back on the course.
"It was sprung on us a little bit and there was a lot to sort out very quickly, in terms of hand-sanitisers, signage and things like that but we got it all pulled together," says Portstewart Golf Club's General Manager Judith Hutton.
It's a hint that you don't have to peer too far under the veneer of 'normality' to realise it's a different sport than was last played on March 23.
Back then, four-balls took to the courses in intervals of around nine minutes leading to packed courses. In truth, many of those players were still becoming accustomed to social distancing and, although they mightn't admit it, were not all that good at observing the practice.
Golf, and some golfers, weren't adjusted to the new world and the sport was rightly shut down.
The hope is that the reality of the pandemic, the break in play and the array of protocols put in place by the Golfing Union of Ireland, enforced by clubs and golfers themselves, mean all that has changed.
Now groups are limited to three players at intervals of 14 minutes, all having had to prebook their times and provide their names. "It gives us traceability," explains PGA Captain and Lurgan's professional Peter Hanna. "We know who is going out, who they played with and who played in the groups in front and behind. That's why the time-sheet is so important." And busy.
Lurgan's booking system went live at 7pm on Monday evening. Within five minutes, 200 names had snapped up spots, with 13 hours' worth of tee-times allowing up to 168 players a game every day.
At Portstewart, two courses are full across 10 hours of access, letting almost 260 of the club's members onto the course every day - already all-but booked out for the coming week.
"It's the same everywhere," says Fortwilliam GC captain Deaglan Lundy.
"As captain of the club, it goes to show you how big the demand was that I could only get a time at half seven at night. I'm the last man out.
"I heard the same about Clandeboye, Dunmurry and lots of other courses. They all seem to be the same. I've a friend who plays at Clandeboye, who is a big music fan, and he said getting a tee-time was like trying to book Rolling Stones tickets."
Getting all of those golden-ticket-holding golfers through courses safely requires some thought, with individual clubs working out how to do all they can to minimise the risk.
"It's all been running very smoothly and everybody has been very respectful," says Lisburn Golf Club professional Stephen Hamill, back on the job for the first time in eight weeks.
"We've had volunteers in the car park guiding the cars and making sure they're well spaced out so people won't be congregating. We've got the same on the first tee as well. Our small practice ground is closed and we have a larger ground in the middle of the course so we've got a booking system in place there for two-hour slots. Only five people can be there at any one time and that makes sure it can't get over-run.
"It's all been working well so far."
Once out on the course itself, flag sticks can't be touched, bunker rakes have been removed and, perhaps most significantly of all, golfers must always play by social distancing rules.
"There are families that have been bereft by the virus and hit by tragedy you can't imagine," says James O'Leary, who was amongst the first of the members to return to Shandon Park's fairways.
"I was playing with two fellas and we were all saying the same thing; we're above ground, none of us have been sick and we're blessed.
"So we know to stand miles apart. With the tee times set at every 14 minutes, you can see the group a hole ahead of you but you don't come too close to them. It felt perfectly safe and I don't think anybody felt anxious."
Clubs have a vested interest to ensure that continues, as the lingering sporting void could yet have a silver lining for those first out of the blocks.
"It looks like golf and tennis may be the only shows in town for a considerable time," explains Fortwilliam captain Lundy.
"Nobody's going to be going to the gym for a while and I think people are a bit sick of running.
"So my phone hasn't stopped with people wanting to join the club," he continues, as under step one of the NI Executive's plan only members can play.
"Hopefully we see a bit of an influx of members. I'm hoping once people join, they will see what we have to offer and we can keep them here next year as well.
"Maybe this whole thing will have encouraged people to enjoy life a little bit more. They have been cooped up and whereas before they might have considered a four-hour round of golf too onerous, now they might think they won't take it for granted."
To that end, the north Belfast club are one of many to have announced membership deals.
Up on the north coast, Portstewart manager Hutton has had a flood of similar calls.
"We've had a lot of interest in our Old Course, down at the sea beside the Amici restaurant," she explained. "There has been an interest in monthly or seasonable membership of that so it's something we're looking at. It would normally be our pay-and-play course but it's very popular."
There are signs of hope but a recognition it's all only just begun. "We've got a long way to go," acknowledges Lurgan captain Eugene Maguire. "This is the first stage and we have to make sure we protect ourselves and our families. We can lead the way and show other sports that this can be done in a successful way."
It's that attitude that golf knows must remain if the return is to last.
Now who won the fiver?