No one else should have to die like tragic Nikki Grahame… anorexia survivor Amy Robb publishes vegan cookbook in bid to prevent others following late Big Brother star’s destructive path
A NORTHERN Irish anorexia survivor has opened up about her eating disorder battle in the hope it will prevent another Nikki Grahame-style tragedy.
Amy Robb’s weight plummeted to between four and five stone — around the same as Big Brother star Nikki weighed hours before her death in April — at the worst point of her illness.
The Belfast-born psychology graduate has now published a vegan cookbook she wrote during lockdown, when cases of anorexia were surging across the UK.
“I was in total shock and disbelief when I heard about Nikki’s death because I felt we were soul sisters in countless ways,” the 28-year-old told Sunday Life.
“I grew up with her from her time on Big Brother in 2006 and felt a strong connection since we both fought anorexia.
“It genuinely broke my heart that Nikki didn’t manage to make it. I think that the Earth was stripped far too soon of one of its most precious angels.
“She will be forever in my heart and she has inspired me to continue sharing and fighting for everyone battling crippling eating disorders around the world to ensure that as many as possible don’t fall through the cracks in the system as she so sadly did.”
The reality television star reportedly left herself with horrific wounds after ripping feeding tubes from her stomach.
Her family said she spiralled into despair and starvation when gyms closed in lockdown because she was terrified that being unable to exercise because of Covid-19 restrictions would lead to her putting on weight.
Amy has been on a similarly nightmarish journey.
She battled acne-related depression as a teenager and would wake as early as 4am to apply layers of make-up before anyone, including her boyfriend and even her family, could see her without it.
She also became hooked on tanning beds and admitted she ended up looking like a walking Barbie doll.
Amy started skipping meals to fit in with dieting school pals and lapped up people’s envy of her skinny frame.
Amy dropped to under five stone while battling anorexia
Her obsession turned potentially fatal when she started facing exam pressures and was betrayed by a friend.
Battling severe depression, she was diagnosed with anorexia in 2010, aged 17.
“It was after a failed attempt at taking my own life that I was brought to medical attention and diagnosed with anorexia nervosa,” Amy said.
“I was offered inpatient treatment with Beechcroft Child & Adolescent Psychiatrists, in Belfast. I couldn’t think of anything worse at the time, but that facility saved my life.
“There was no one thing that triggered my anorexia. It started when I was 17 and facing the stress of education. I also faced a betrayal from my best friend.
“I had always been really slim and the last thing I needed to do was diet.
“But when all my friends started skipping lunch to get thinner, I started to as well because of peer pressure and wanting to fit in.
“When people started congratulating me on losing weight, I continued with it.
“At my lowest weight, I wasn’t eating breakfast. I had strawberries for lunch and one dinner in the evening, but that’s more than a lot of people with anorexia. They will eat nothing at all for weeks and end up tube-fed, which shows how everyone’s experience with anorexia is different depending on their metabolisms.”
While Amy was treated in 2010, she was sectioned in June and November of 2016 with mental health issues.
A year later, she appeared on ITV’s This Morning to tell Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby how her lifelong make-up fixation drove her to depression.
“I wouldn’t let anyone really see me without make-up. I’d go to bed in it if my boyfriend stayed over, but I wouldn’t usually be able to sleep because I’d be so scared the make-up would rub off,” she said at the time.
“I wore extra-thick foundation, fake eyelashes and dyed my hair peroxide blonde.
“I thought I looked so much better with make-up on. My natural complexion is pale and on top of that I developed acne, so I was desperate to cover my face.
“I tried everything, from creams to strong tablets like the acne drug Roaccutane, but nothing seemed to help.
“I felt disgusting without make-up. My face was covered in spots, so I felt like people would think I was really ugly. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin.”
Amy is now a “world away” from the person she was as a teenager. She decided to write her cookbook, Magic Mouthly Moments, after she ended up back in hospital last year at the same time as psychiatrists were warning that countless people with anorexia were unable to get help because of Covid.
“I decided to invest all my time in hospital into creating this book and piecing together a package of positivity to support people in one of the most challenging times in history,” she said.
“I didn’t want to release another standard vegan cookbook that you buy and never use. I wanted to write a guide to living a plant-powered diet for a year.”
The book is just one strand of Amy’s approach to managing the condition and reaching out to help others.
Her Surviving Now Thriving Instagram page, where she offers advice and encouragement, has more than 8,000 followers.
While cruel trolls sometimes target her for abuse, she refuses to get angry and hit back.
“I have been the victim of extreme trolling over the years, mainly related to my appearance,” she revealed.
“I have experienced this in real life too. I have been branded with anorexia. Even way before I developed the disease, I was always known as ‘the skinny one’.
“It has definitely impacted me to varying degrees over the years, but I have now reached a sense of complete peace in my life and I don’t allow anyone to take that from me.
“I treat everyone with love and kindness and I believe haters are the most hurt.
“They are seeking the most love themselves, so that is all I always send them, wishing them health and happiness.”
n To learn more about Amy’s work or to buy her new cookbook, visit her Instagram page @survivingnowthriving
