"Greetings to you, Your Majesty; look how tiny you are!"
One hopes Irish President Michael D Higgins greeted The Queen in a manner more befitting than what is heard in this video during his official state visit to Britain.
But whatever pleasantries were exchanged in reality, a much more entertaining version of the historic event has emerged online.
Satirical impressionist Oliver Callan has created his own humorous imitation of events across the water, dubbing his own voice over RTE footage to mock what was an obvious occasion for comedy gold.
"Ah, Gandalf! It is an honour," says Higgins to Prince Phillip (Callan taking on Higgins' high-pitched voice without much need for exaggeration).
The President then launches into a cheerful rendition of "We're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz..." as he is pulled in a horse-drawn carriage towards Windsor Castle.
There he addresses the "dear students of Hogwarts," and declares "the sorting hat has spoken".
"David Cameron will go to Slytherin, Clegg to Gryffindor and Ed Miliband - yours is the House of Pain."
More Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings references follow, and of course plenty of jokes about the Irishman's height - or lack of.
Higgins then faces Queen Elizabeth and claims "Look, if I stand back I'm least two inches taller than you".
Her Majesty then diverts his attention to some artefacts, explaining "Now, here are some things we stole from you over the last 800 years - and you're not getting it back if that's what you're thinking."
Prince Phillip, meanwhile, asks the president's wife Sabina "Tell me, Mrs Paddy, are potatoes still the currency of Eire?"
After quoting 2,000 verses by Seamus Heaney - Higgins announces "I've had enough, bring me back to The Shire."